Parched

I have recently become quite addicted to Powerade Zero. But only the red ones. You know, fruit punch. It’s a nice replacement for sugar-laden soda (although I will still drink one on occasion) and provides a pleasant change from the gallons of water I consume daily.

As far as the zeros go, it is available in orange, grape, and blue mixed berry. Yuck. Yuck. Super Yuck. And, of course, the red fruit punch. While I have no problem whatsoever finding my beloved beverage in the 32-ounce size (and, I might add heavily discounted thanks to grocery store sales), trying to find the eight-pack of 20-ounce bottles is even more difficult than trying to locate a needle in a haystack, a four-leaf clover in a field, or your contact lenses on casino carpet.

And before you think it, just don’t. Gatorade is gross. Truly repugnant.

I have looked high and low, in numerous Albertsons, Smith’s, and Vons, and in several Walmarts and Targets to no avail. Oh sure, the disgusting blue ones are everywhere. In fact, in many retail outlets, there’s not even a space on the shelves for the fruit punch ones. Regular fruit punch is abundant but not the zero ones. Why is that, Coca Cola? Why is this item so damn difficult to find? I’ve even asked grocery managers to order it, which, apparently, they can’t, or, more accurately, won’t. Pfft.

Yes, I know I can order it on Amazon and have it delivered like some antisocial shut-in who can’t grocery shop for herself. But that’s beside the point even though I may be just a skosh antisocial. Just a skosh, mind you. But I enjoy grocery shopping. I particularly relish playing “Stump the Checker” with some uncommon produce item that very few people purchase such as fennel, rutabagas, or parsnips which force the person ringing me up to ask what it is. Sometimes, when I’m feeling really obnoxious, I memorize the item’s number and provide that to the cashier.

Well, I’m off to order 12 family packs of Powerade Zero fruit punch from Amazon. Until next time.

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