Of Fries and Men

It’s a sad but true fact that many of us eat fast food even though the vast majority of it is unhealthy and relatively gross. Given the current “plandemic” shut down and subsequent stay home orders, many of us are itching to get out of the house and do something, anything besides sit at home cooking food and binge watching the Food Network. (Hey, I don’t criticize your obsession with The Walking Dead, Bates Motel, reruns of NFL Super Bowls past, or CSPAN.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, boredom and food; two things that go together like peanut butter and jelly, Penn and Teller, and donuts and diabetes. Anyway, it’s nice to get out once in a while and have a meal that you (or anyone to whom you’re related) didn’t cook. Given that virtually everything is closed except for takeout, we oftentimes succumb to the promise of “two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun” and the intoxicating smell of fresh McDonalds fries which you’re likely never going to want to eat after reading this.

Anyway, the point of this blog post is to illustrate an incident through which my boyfriend (who I will call Vincent* because I really like that name) recently went. Granted, the following is hearsay (but, of course, in true Irate Blogger fashion, embellished for humorous detail.) After finding a McDonalds that was actually open past 9:00 p.m. on a Saturday night in Las Vegas, Vinnie entered the drive-thru only to be met with their new limited menu during these tough coronavirus bullshit mass hysteria times.

When he reached the window, he was greeted by a manager (and I use that term loosely) who obviously LOVES his job who was wearing a mask and standing behind a bulletproof sneeze guard so the evil coronavirus that is floating around in the air waiting to pounce on everyone doesn’t infect and kill him like the brainwashed left would have you believe.

Anyway, apparently this clueless manager inadvertently handed Vincent’s order to the car in front of his. As any normal person would do, this person opened the bag, presumably looked, and then handed it back to the manager. When Vincent reached the window, this Einstein tried to hand Vincent the same bag. Are you fucking kidding me?! This moron is adorned in full hazmat PPE yet wants to give potentially contaminated food to a customer.

Needless to say, Vincent blew a gasket (he tends to do that a lot) and told the manager, “I’m not fucking taking this shit!” He had his order remade (if you could call it that) because the fries were cold, uncooked, and soggy, not unlike a … never mind, I’m not going there.)

Also needless to say, I will never be frequenting a McDonalds again. Now I need to find new fries.

*Name changed to protect the innocent.