Throughout this whole coronavirus mass hysteria isolation “thing,” I’ve been going a little stir crazy (okay, a lot crazy) sitting at home. So much so, in fact, that my mind starting wandering (never a good thing) toward tidbits I wouldn’t have ordinarily thought.
One of them is what, exactly, constitutes an essential and/or non-essential business.
Here are my thoughts.
First of all, my tanning salon is an essential business. I haven’t been this white since I lived in snow country. Not only does sporting a nice bronze tan make me feel (and, undoubtedly, look) healthier, but the blast of rays boosts my Vitamin D levels and reduces my depression. Despite living in Las Vegas, I don’t have the privacy to tan outdoors in the manner to which I am accustomed while in a private bed, not to mention it’s already getting ridiculously hot and I don’t want to spend hours in the sun when a quick 12-minute session is all I need. Yes, I know I know it’s bad for me, but done responsibly with appropriate pre- and post-tan skincare, the potential dangers are mitigated. I’ve been tanning for YEARS and don’t look like some wrinkled, middle-aged, leather sofa. So there.
Secondly, even though there are DIY hair coloring options, I can’t trim my own hair. I’ve tried in the past and ended up resembling my fourth-grade school photo with a choppy, uneven, mom-used-craft-scissors ‘do. So, while I am able to cover my graying roots and maintain my lovely brunette hue, I desperately need a trim. The same goes for my boyfriend whose head is getting puffy from all the hair he desperately needs cut but won’t let me near with scissors. Hey, I can trim other people’s hair, just not my own. Chicken.
Next, why in the hell are city, state, and national parks, beaches, and other outdoor public recreation venues closed? Amidst the ad nauseum spate of bullshit social distancing “guidelines,” nobody is going to catch the virus outside. It’s not floating around waiting to invade (which is why I laugh hysterically at those sheep who insist on wearing masks and gloves while outside.) Good grief, we all need some fresh air and sunshine. Oh, and human contact with non-relatives would be nice.
By the way, I expect the National Parks Service to extend my annual parks pass for which I paid a pretty penny for a few months to compensate my loss.
Finally, of course, gun stores are essential because Second Amendment. ‘Nuff said.
As for non-essential businesses? Governors’ offices and Congress.